Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
this just has baby written all over it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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