My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
