Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
