dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
