Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize