Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
