Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
