I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
