i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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