I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
