He is an equal opportunity slut.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
