note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
