It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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