the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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