I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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