forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
