it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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