Texts From Last Night

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  (951): View more from California

  Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down

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  (951): Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down http://tfl.nu/e7px
  Replies (16) Good night (744) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me

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  (403): If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me http://tfl.nu/3lvx
  Replies (25) Good night (945) Bad night (3432)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.

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  (972): He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me. http://tfl.nu/b757
  Replies (22) Good night (5163) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  all we need is a web designer

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  and a bunch of prostitutes

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  (973): all we need is a web designer (1-973): and a bunch of prostitutes http://tfl.nu/pfgf
  Replies (19) Good night (2448) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved

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  (613): you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved http://tfl.nu/t5ge
  Replies (33) Good night (8131) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar

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  (570): I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar http://tfl.nu/q05v
  Replies (11) Good night (959) Bad night (2515)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.

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  (925): it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night. http://tfl.nu/nvwn
  Replies (10) Good night (1197) Bad night (1892)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?

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  (913): Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying? http://tfl.nu/uitc
  Replies (7) Good night (824) Bad night (1721)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  So basically you were a dog.

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  (860): This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground. (802): So basically you were a dog. http://tfl.nu/0n1s
  Replies (14) Good night (8253) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?

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  (479): The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in? http://tfl.nu/vsmz
  Replies (1) Good night (1306) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.

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  (281): I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman. http://tfl.nu/ux8x
  Replies (4) Good night (609) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us

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  (585): The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us http://tfl.nu/diix
  Replies (1) Good night (1350) Bad night (304)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.

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  (206): No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt. http://tfl.nu/84n0
  Replies (5) Good night (643) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (438): View more from Quebec

  I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.

  (1-438): View more from Quebec

  God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.

  (438): View more from Quebec

  Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss

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  (438): I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents. (1-438): God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol. (438): Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss http://tfl.nu/li35
  Replies (2) Good night (782) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.

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  (305): We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened. http://tfl.nu/a50c
  Replies (3) Good night (649) Bad night (285)

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