Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?

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(210): View more from Texas

she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice

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(303): View more from Colorado

The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"

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(858): View more from California

threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(217): View more from Illinois

Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak

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(705): View more from Ontario

You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.

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(705): View more from Ontario

Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.

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(716): View more from New York

Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's

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