You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
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He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.