I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow