tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
