Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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