A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
