Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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