Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
