i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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