Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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