They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
