Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You smell like stripper and shame
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
