you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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