i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
