I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
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