absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
