so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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