dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
