goodnight i made you a song goodbye
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
