At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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