explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
