Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
