I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
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I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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