i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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