Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
