Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
