Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
