At least make sure they are 18
Why
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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