Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
