She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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