dude i'm inner monologue high
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
