I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
whose parrot is this?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
