did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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