im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
