There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
