remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Randomize
