Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
