he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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