hotel room ftw
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
