I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
