On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
