Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
