I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
