There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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