We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
