I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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