i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
