i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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