ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im six kinds of drunk right now
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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