I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
