Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
