Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
