hotel room ftw
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
