may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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